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I think everything is going to be ok. Just thinking about being home finally today has cheered me up lots. I'm already predicting a grass is greener on the other side situation. I know I'll struggle with depression when I go home as I do sometimes here in Vienna. Everything is the same no matter where I go. Atleast that's what I feel now. Somewhere on earth must be my home, a place that makes me feel invincible and welcomed. I need to travel somewhere new, I can garentee this won't happen while maintaing a long distance relationship with someone in Vienna. So I know I need to work on my mind on my own. I need to care about things more. German is going well, I HAVE to continue it when I go home. Finally finding something I care about means I need to keep going. My relationship makes me happy but I still have the same depression I've always had just with sudden bursts of happiness. I medicate myself with weed heavily at home I can't do that again when I go back, it's killing my personality. It's so hard to say no to something that makes me happy because it wipes out my personality. There must be a ballance I can find but it needs to include antidepression medications hobbys, partying, work, Austrian boyfriend and Family. Family just includesmy sister and father I should really put in more effort. After all I only have two people I would call close family and I don't put in enough effort with either of them. Sigh.....I don't know what else to write but I know I just want to point out how even with so little things I need to achieve I still feel like I have so much to do.
Right now I feel like crap, I feel so frustraighted and annoyed at life. I'm sick of getting up everyday for German lessons. I'm sick of feel off and on crappy all the time.
I'm sick of feeling like I can't focus on anything long enough to learn, sick of being a slave to weed.
I don't know what's wrong just depressed this blows arrrrg. I'm depressed in a angry annoyed way right now.
I miss my sister

Long time no LJ

Long time no LJ.
Right now Im in Budapest waiting to hear back about getting a job at the hostel I am staying at. I am not to confident about it though, we shall see.
Travel this year has been such a differnet expierence. So much stress and lack of money....fuck I will appriciate home when I eventually get there again.
I don't even know what to write so much has happened to me in the last 4 months, life is crazy.
I miss home but I know going back before september would make me feel unachieved and disapointed.
I miss my Puddingham and Gali and of cause my dad and sister....everyone back home is special to me.
I cannot be bothered to write more now, its still new now typing about how I feel and whats going on. I am keeping a diary though its much to personal to ever show anyone but my sister though.
She will read it and be like ewwwww gross sister stories haha.
bye lj I will try to write again soon perhaps.

Hi it's nova_bright posting to hilary' s lj because I can. I am also trying to stop her fighting over the Internet. : D


Let them feel your steel

One day and I will be under the knife, having lap band surgery. I am shitting bricks.

Bricks, they are shat.

The final count down.

Ok, long time no lj.
In 2 weeks (on the 9th of October) I am having lap band surgery. I'm so scared. I am just so freaked out I can't believe it. I just hope that there aren't any problems with the operation and that I do well.

I don't want to write anymore, I just want to stop worrying:(

I also still have a bruise on my arm from a week old blood test. It's still making me look like a junky. I have a patch of bright red sunburn on my chest, and white cat hair over everything I own.

Speaking of, I am thinking of getting a cat (not a kitten). They seem like the only pet that manages to balance out being independent and wanting love. I'll look into it on payday. Obviously I'd be adopting from a shelter.

I got to step up as senior for a day on Friday at work. It was awesome, but I find the amount of competition and rivalry amazing and horrible. I am not good at office politics, I hate playing the games that they all want to. The best I do is smile when people insult me in a passive aggressive way.

Extremely poor this week, and I cannot wait til pay day. Ouch my bank balance.

I've made a friend at work and I am starting uni in three weeks, which is awesome. My friend is like a combination of the best qualities of two of my other male friends. He's taking me out to a uni party, and we are dragging another friend of mine along.

After 2 months of being so poor, I need a night out or I will shank a prag.


Work was pretty good today. Because it was so quiet, I got to shadow James as senior, and I've learnt a lot, and gained more respect around the workplace. Slowly, slowly I am inching my way up the corporate ladder. I might have to sleep with a few people, but that's a price I am willing to pay. No one gets to the top without going down once or twice. :p

Also, fuck you, Deakin University, fuck you in the ear. I bought all my text for my course this year. It cost an arm and a leg. And then...they send me one of them for free. They never told me that they were going to do that. So now I have two copies of the same stupid text, and I cannot resell it, not even as second hand. I am out of pocket and very annoyed.

I got my blood tested and went to the dentist on the weekend, so I had a medical old time. Hopefully, if the tests come back ok, I will be put forward for Lap Band surgery in October of this year.

My dad's paying for it, thank god. I cannot afford it all. I've paid my own health insurance, but my dad is covering the excess fees. Best thing ever.

I am ridiculously poor right now, because I am trying to save 5 grand before the end of the financial year. The way that my first home saver's account works is that if you have 5 grand or more each financial year, you get the maximum interest. Even though saving for a house by myself is hard, it's definitely worth it. Whilst everyone else my age is out blowing their wages on crap, I'm going to own my house. >:D

I've had a alright day, however after assessing my current financial situation I think I can safely say I shall be living off tick tacks this fortnight. My is money such a bitch?!

Right now I am listening to some Sonata Arctica and enjoying the fact I am not at work...awww yeah.

I nearly made Erinna throw up by grossing her out, so I'd say I've achieved something today:)

I wish I could play little leage now, I'de kick some fucking ass!

I got a package from deakin university today saying you're assignment is due on April 22nd 2009, see attached assignment, and of corse nothing was attached...sigh.

The old people will still call on monday.

Last night Jessamie stayed over and we watched alot of coupling and chated about stuff. I always love catching up with her.

My Grandpa's funeral was two days ago and even though he's gone it was the best funeral I'd ever gone to. My dad and his two brothers spoke and we shared storeys about how my grandpa would be so cheap and the stupid things he'd do.

After my Dad took my sister and I to my Grandpa's flat to get a few things. I saw his hat, he always wore it whenever he'd go somewhere, my dad said I could have it. I'm glad I got something to remember him by and hoefully show my kids one day.

We later went to our friends place in box hill and shared some nachos and bailys milk shakes, it was a good distraction.

Tonight I've got a house warming party with the Benalla girls and Nick is coming with me and Jessamie too so I'm happy.